God made someone to come alongside of him, co-responding to him, to work with him, to accomplish the Divine goal that God hasgiven man. The duty of a good wife, who wants to see a strong marriage and family, is to be the counterpart to her mate in such a way that that which God has given the both of them, she must be by his side as his helper. She is not just some extra on the side, she is an indispensable part of His Divine plan.
One of the causes why so many men are miserable and why so many marriages fail is because the woman is not out to help him, she's using the marriage to help herself. She has a faulty view of the relationship. Instead of being his partner and coming alongside to increase their relationship with God, she becomes a part of the opposition, not cooperating with God's agenda for the family, but using it as a launching pad for her own purposes. And when a woman loses site that God's first expectation of her in relationship to her husband is to be his helper, then a negative atmosphere is created in the household that is difficult to overcome.
So the question is, "What does a helper look like?" Now, the assumption, ladies, is that if God expects you to help your man, the understanding is your man needs help! Admittedly, men are not complete in and of themselves. That's the purpose God created women. So, if you are finding fault with your man, he needs help; and guess who the helper is. If you are saying, "My man is messed up!" Guess who the helper is. You cannot complain that he is not what he ought to be if you're not fulfilling your role as the helper! God made you the helper because man desperately needs help. He desperately needs someone to come alongside who will be different than him, in order to complete him, thereby fulfilling the Divine plan of God.
So, whenever the faults of your husband shows up, there are opportunities for you to fulfill your scriptural duty; not simply to fuss and cuss about how messed up he is, but to analyze the kind of helper God has called you to be. In fact, if you are the complete opposite of your husband, wonderful! That means you can fill in all the blank spots where he needs help. That's not an opportunity for disgust, but an opportunity for godly assistance. You are the one to help mold and shape him into
the man that God ultimately wants him to be in order to carry out the agenda of the household.
#1: Be a helper to your husband. While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. Genesis tells us that God realized it wasn't good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a "helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). It is interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the word helper in this passage is found hereafter in the Bible to refer only to God as He helps us. The fact that this same word is applied to a wife signifies that we women have been given tremendous power for good in our husbands' lives. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be.
#2: Respect your husband. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, " … the wife must respect her husband." When you respect your husband you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values.
Our husbands have many needs. The macho man who is self-contained, independent, and invulnerable is a myth. One day Dennis gave me a list of what he considered to be some of the primary needs most men have:
§ Self-confidence in his personhood as a man.
§ To be listened to
§ Companionship
§ To be needed
To me, meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. To bolster Dennis' confidence, for example, I try to encourage him by being his Number One fan. Every husband wants his wife to be on his team, to coach him when necessary, but most of all to be his cheerleader. A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him, and cheering him on as he goes out into the world every day.
#3: Love your husband. Titus 2:4 calls for wives "to love their husbands." A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is "unconditional acceptance." In other words, accept your husband just as he is—an imperfect person.
Love also means being committed to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. I realize there is a whole lot more to love than sex, but we are looking at how to fulfill God's command to love our husbands. Therefore, we must look at love from their perspective, not just our own.
Surveys show that sex is one of a man's most important needs—if not the most important. When a wife resists intimacy, is uninterested, or is only passively interested, her husband may feel rejection. It will cut at his self-image, tear at him to the very center of his being, and create isolation.
My husband's sexual needs should be more important and higher on my priority list than menus, housework, projects, activities, and even the children. It does not mean that I should think about sex all day and every day, but it does mean that I find ways to remember my husband and his needs. It means I save some of my energy for him. It keeps me from being selfish and living only for my own needs and wants. Maintaining that focus helps me defeat isolation in our marriage.
#4: "Submit" to the leadership of your husband. Just mention the word "submission," and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This controversial concept has been highly debated and misunderstood.
Some husbands and wives actually believe submission indicates that women are inferior to men in some way. I have known women who think that if they submit they will lose their identity and become "non-persons." Others fear (some with good reason) that submission leads to being used or abused.
Another misconception is that submission means blind obedience on the part of the woman. She can give no input to her husband, question nothing, and only stay obediently barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
What does God have in mind? Here are two passages from Scripture:
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them (Colossians 3:18-19).
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body (Ephesians 5:22-30).
These Scriptures make it clear that a wife should submit voluntarily to her husband's sensitive and loving leadership. Therefore, as I voluntarily submit to my husband, I am completing him. I am helping him fulfill his responsibilities, and I am helping him become the man, the husband, and the leader God intended him to be.
Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily, with no pressure or coercion. To become the servant-leader God has commanded him to be, Dennis needs my gracious respect and submission. And when Dennis loves me the way he is commanded to, I can more easily submit myself to that leadership.
I do this with an attitude of entrusting myself to God. In one of his letters, Peter told us that even though Jesus suffered terrible pain and insults, He did not retaliate "but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23). When you entrust your life to the Father, it's much easier to be the wife of an imperfect man, particularly when you may have disagreements.
A Special Note: Some of you may live with abuse or in excessively unhealthy and destructive conditions in your marriage. At times, it may be inappropriate or even life-threatening for you to apply unquestioningly the principles of submission. For example, if you are being physically or verbally abused, you may need to take steps to protect yourself and your children. You may need to say to your husband, "I love you, but enough is enough." If you are in that situation, please discerningly seek out your pastor or someone wise who has been trained to help with your specific issue.
Loving, forgiving, and submitting do not mean that you become a doormat or indefinitely tolerate significantly destructive behavior.
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2014 11:17:46 +0800
From: sampathkumarubi@yahoo.co.in
Subject: [MTC Global] Thought for the day
To:
 |
With regards,
Dept. of Business Administration
SSN School of Management
C/o. SSN College of Engineering
Rajiv Gandhi Salai (OMR)
KALAVAKKAM - 603110
Kancheepuram District, Tamil Nadu, India
Landline : 044-24860668
Mobile : 9094405733
Success consists of getting up
just one more time than you fall
-- Oliver Goldsmith
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MTC GLOBAL- Educate, Empower, Elevate
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