Fwd: Some Proverbs from Zimbabwe (Allegedly from Mugabe)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Joseph Kijem <yuh750@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, 2 Jun 2016 12:08:46 +0100
Subject: Some Proverbs from Zimbabwe (Alleged from Mugabe)
To: "ambasbay@googlegroups.com" <ambasbay@googlegroups.com>,
boyo@yahoogroups.com, yuh750 <yuh750@gmail.com>

Posted by Hyacinth Njuakom

--- Forwarded Message -----
From: "HYACINTH NJUAKOM Njuakom_chah@yahoo.com [AFOaKOM]"
Subject: [AFOaKOM] Some proverbs from Zimbabwe


THE ROBERT MUGABE ALLEGED 40 quotes...

1. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter
than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father.

2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a happy mother's day
or sing sweet mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him.

3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.

4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you "I miss you"
only when it's raining, because you are not an umbrella.

5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool.

6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don't need to call
those things "your breasts", It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat
after me, OUR MILK!

7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take
a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent
woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.

8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?' If that was God's
plan, then you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day.

9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW BATTERY.

10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal because the act was learnt in
childhood when they were young but the act of lady's sucking men's
d*ck is what baffles me, where did they learn it from?

11. Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil
comes along and gives you a 'girlfriend'.

12. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don't take a
goat as a friend.

13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and still
single, you are not different from a Canopy.

14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are
lying on his chest then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.

15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty
because men don't walk around with X-rays to see inner beauty.

16. Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with
evidence that you've had sex.

17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for 5 minutes but they
expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2 hours? Your level of
selfishness demands a one week crusade.

18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3 girlfriend left me for
another boy all because he bought a sharpener wid a mirror.

19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship
with a "broke" man who's extremely good in bed.

20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who cannot jog for 5 minutes
expects a 40 year old man to last for 1 hour in bed.

21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the worst thing ever;
because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional.

22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your private parts will
suffer the most.

23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour's soup gets
suspicious.

24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his money because he
hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn't drill.

25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked Eve instead of naked
Adam. Say no to same-sex marriage.

26. If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school
girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

27. It is every man's dream to remove a woman's pant one day but NOT
when it's on a drying line.

28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his
newly wed wife but lately, there's nothing as such any-longer because
it'll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of
Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking
schemes & for Lorry fares!"

29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes
your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

30. We are living in a generation where people "in love" are free to
touch each others' private parts but cannot touch each others' phones
because they're private."

31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than
send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.

32. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex
couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry
him first.

33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but
won't even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a
black man simply because he's a foreigner.

34. What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes which can take them
back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors.

35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's sense of human rights
precludes our people's right to their God-given resources, which in
their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed
dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated
the neo-colonialists.

36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with
fire on one end and a fool on the other end.

37. A brave man is he who has a running stomach and still wants to flatulate.

38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would be a great time to
retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this question or is it just for
African leaders?

39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you bidding the people of
Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?

40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick when your armpit
itself needs a shaving stick.

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