Pence Caught Measuring The Drapes In The Oval Office 
Mike Pence doesn't care anymore and isn't afraid to let everyone know it! He is going to be the next President.
Washington, DC – After being missing in action for several days Vice President Pence appeared at a signing ceremony at the White House yesterday. While President Trump signed an executive order striking down the federal funding of band-aids for elementary schools nurses a beleaguered vice president Pence made it clear how he feels about an eventual impeachment of his boss.
Unbelievable, but a Vice President caught Measuring Drapes and at the end of his Rope, the Public has come to know their vice president as a man of high fashionista, wearing the best-tailored and expensive suits available even by American fashion standards. However, for this event, and strangely enough, he donned a simple t-shirt, jeans, but brought in his own crew with a modern step ladder.
Not only did Vice President Pence ask his orderly to set up the ladder as his supposed boss President Trump signed the executive order, but Pence was also heard and seen humming quietly the classic tune 
Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah
as they silently (without the glares of camera crew and nosy "fake news Journalists") measured the lengths of the oval office drapes. At times he did stop humming to pull out his mobile phone and used it to see what color curtains wife Karen Sue Pence preferred at the State House in Indiana that should replace the hacky and tacky gold ones President Trump currently has up.
Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah as they silently (without the glares of camera crew and nosy "fake news Journalists") measured the lengths of the oval office drapes. At times he did stop humming to pull out his mobile phone and used it to see what color curtains wife Karen Sue Pence preferred at the State House in Indiana that should replace the hacky and tacky gold ones President Trump currently has up."Hmmmm… what color subtly states impeach? Maybe a deep blue for American justice. I better check out what is available if impeachment doesn't work out. How about I'm going to strangle your scrawny neck red?" - Vice President Pence
Everyone in the room heard that except for President Trump. He was entranced by his new fidget spinner.
Paul Ryan Insists None of this is his Business. House Speaker Paul Ryan, despite being #2 in line for presidential succession whispered to a nearby reporter, "I can only worry about the things I can control. Republicans everywhere should remain calm over kids not having bandaids in schools and the Vice President is fast losing his grip. How is he sure the Congress dominated by Republicans will impeach their POTUS?"
The reporter from the Flat Earth Gazette whispered back, "Sir, what can you control n this chaotic environment and what is your business if the running of the Federal Government isn't functioning as it should?"
House Speaker Ryan then joined Vice President Pence in a rousing humming of the now famous Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah to the delight of an unsuspecting POTUS.
Sean Spicer's Unlikely Press Conference
After the signing ceremony was over and the Vice President was done measuring the drapes, Sean Spicer held the daily press briefing. However, this was going to be no ordinary press briefing. As soon as Mr. Spicer took the podium he immediately opened a copy of James Joyce's classic novel Finnegan's Wake and dove right into it:
"River-run, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation of back to Howth Castle and Environs."
After reading for a minute or two, the press was anticipating the opportunity to ask questions but Sean Spicer continued and opened another random section of the tome and finally answered by two or three questions for another minute or two.
As the press conference abruptly ended, many reporters felt "they were finally getting somewhere" with this administration.
The Future of Mike Pence
It's generally considered among the Republican faithfuls that Mike Pence is their political messiah given the present uncertainties of the Trump administration. The Vice President is taking a cautious attitude (not to alarm POTUS who may engineer a new Tweet storm, despite his measuring the drapes in the Oval Office. A new Intern has been hired to taste all of the VeePee's special Foods just in case some Russian-made polonium-210 makes it into his morning Wheaties.
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