According to the Center for Family Values, an American "Family" is composed of: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, Sister, Brother, Step Mother/Father, Grand Pa, Grand Ma...Final Full Stop.
So I went for an Interview and I was asked to name a few members of my immediate Family; and this is what I told the guy: (Why was he even asking me such a foolish question. Abi, na FBI?)
A normal African "Family" comprises the following:
Pah Lucas, Mammie Nyanga, Broda Aloys, Sista Mary, Aunty Ursula, Uncle 4 Kumba, Cousin, Nephew, Niece, Muyo 4 woman side and all their piken dem, Grang Pah Forest Guard 4 Ekiliwindi, Grang Mah Mankah weh ih be marry Bakweri man, all Grang Pikin dem, 1st Cousin, 2nd Cousin, In-Law 4 Mammie side, In-Law 4 Papa side, My papa yi second wife yi sister, My wife yi broda, My broda yi wife yi sista, Uncle 4 Tombo yi pikin dem, aunty 4 Mile 17 Mutengene, Mammie Ekona yi pikin dem, Ngia Sunday Bend-Back 4 Atuakom yi three pikin dem, my friend teacha Matty 4 Misselele yi picken dem
Pa Pastor 4 Ntinkak yi two woman dem pikin dem, Mammie 4 Mbouda weh ih be marry Bayangui man all dem picken dem.
At that point, the HR guy simply asked me to stop. Are you kidding me? What kind of a family is that? I told him, I had not even started. He should wait, when I finish telling him that my big broda has 12 children with four wives; my elder sister has nine kids all of whom now have at least three of their own piken dem too. I asked him if he wanted me to do the Math. The man was confused. He simply said..."Mishe, we'll get back to you ASAP".
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